Deserving to be Happy
by Demonic-Kit
Summary: Fenris leaves Hawke and tries to stick to his decisions of letting her go. She tries to go on without him. Varric is right this all down for an epic love story. Follows the Dragon Age II story line starting the night Fenris leaves.
1. Chapter 1

He gritted his teeth, eyes blurry with tears as he walked faster. He could hear her footfalls stop at her door. She hadn't chance to get dressed. He heard her call after him, telling him to wait as she scurried around her room, no doubt trying to cover herself to follow him. He felt torn in two, sure his feet pulled his body forward, out of the house, but his heart was left in that bedroom with the brave woman who was so very different than his point of views. She was a mage, he should hate her, she was a danger to everyone around her, but not Hawke; she would never falter into the grasp of a demon. He swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to do the same with those thoughts and feelings he had for her.

He looked up and saw he was looking out over the water. He sat down at the edge of the waves and buried his face in his hands. Tears dripped past them and onto the beach. It was better this way. Hawke was now a rich and highly influential person, and what of him? He was a slave. He had done everything in his power to stifle that truth, but proof of it danced across his skin in the lyrium patterns. His grief of what he had just done, what he had given washed over him like the waves lapping over his toes. He recalled their night together, her body against his, her hands tracing the markings. He felt his groin twitch and he flung himself down onto the sand. These memories should not be replaying in his head, she did not belong to him, never did despite his thoughts and hopes for it to be otherwise.

The sunlight glared in his wet eyes. He remembered how she had reached out to stop him from leaving and the rage filled lust took over. How he spun and backed her up, pinning her against the wall, glowing a vivid blue. She looked frightened at first before she smiled up at him in an understanding way he was not used to. He backed up, telling himself over and over that it was not good for her, despite their flirting. She deserved better. That is the last thing his mind could process as every inch of him became aware that she was kissing him, her arms wrapped around his neck. He cursed her for making this so hard on him and went to pull back again, but she spun them and pinned him to the wall in her place. The change shocked him, but his body reacted, shifting so one leg was pushed between hers. She ground against it and let out a sigh. Damn it all he thought as his right hand cupped the back of her neck and pulled her closer, cutting off her route of escape. This woman was going to drive him mad.

Hawke watched him go from her window, her robe hastily wrapped around herself. She could follow him, but even if she caught up she knew he didn't want her company. She bit back tears and went back into her room, slamming the door and making several of her servants questioned what was wrong. Gossip started up, each coming up with their own answer, none exactly right and getting further from the truth.

Hawke flopped down on her bed and curled up around a pillow. She took it too fast, had scared him away. She sighed and gripped the pillow tighter. She had fallen for Fenris the moment he toppled into her life. He was handsome and strong, and that voice… It made her legs go weak.

After everything she'd been through, everything she'd done for everyone else she had just wanted someone for her. A sob raked through her shoulders and she bit her lip to silence them as tears ran down her cheeks.

Half a moon cycle later Varric had invented them all down to his suite in the hanged man and Hawke had tried everything she could to get out of it. To no avail. When the dwarf heard that she refused the invite to drink he told Isabella, who told Aveline, who told Merrill, who told Anders and he headed over to Hawke's estate to heal her with whatever obvious illness she had fallen to.

"Anders, I'm not sick, I promise, I just didn't feel like going out." Hawke said and motioned to the door.

Anders ignored the gesture. "A checkup wouldn't hurt. After all you have been running yourself ragged lately."

Hawke sighed and ruffled her short hair. "Fine if it will get all of you off my back." she said and plopped down on her bed.

Anders perked up and started to look her over, asking for her remove her top to check her heart beat at one point. She slid the robe off her shoulders without a fight and let it fall around her waist, clad in only the cloth around her breasts. Anders tried not to stare as he put his palm over her upper left breast and used his magic to hone in on her breathing and heartbeat, making sure it was all regular. "You've been distracted lately." he commented and she shrugged. "You've cut down on missions, visit less frequently… it has us all worried." he tried to pry gently. "The clinic has gotten over run without you there to lighten the workload."

"You can manage just fine, I have faith, and I am no healer." she finally spoke. "I'm a force of destruction. I only learned healing after…"

Anders nodded, beating himself up inside for making her remember her sister's death. He knew the memory still haunted her. On missions that took them out into the wilds for several days, the nights he was in her presence while she slept, he had watched her toss and turn, jolt awake with electricity prickling on her skin, ready to fight the ogre four years dead, the one that killed her sister. "I know, I've been hit by that cone of cold of yours." he said in a way to lighten the mood and helped her replace her robe.

"I said I was sorry, you shouldn't be that close to me in a fight." she said and didn't protest when Anders pushed her down on the bed and started moving his glowing hands up and down the air above her body.

"You never hit Fenris and you two are never more than a dozen feet apart." he commented and she flinched.

"I know he is there… we just…" she shook her head and sat up. The motion put Ander's hands on her stomach and their faces close. He swallowed and started to move in for a kiss, but Hawke blasted him back with a strong, yet gentle, mind blast. He took the hint, said goodbye, and left, embarrassed that he had just done that. But why shouldn't he? He deserved it. He shook his head, trying to clear Justice's thoughts from mudding up his own.

Hawke went to the gathering, lest anyone else come charging into her house claiming to think she was ill. She sat next to Varric who was at the head of the table and Aveline on her other side. She couldn't express her gratitude that the two effectively stopped a certain elf or mage from sitting beside her. She didn't want to deal with Anders right now and if she was that close to Fenris she didn't think she could bare it right now. Said elf was sitting in the opposite corner and avoiding her gaze. Her chest her and her stomach turned so she looked away and downed another drink.

Fenris could feel her eyes on him and wished he hadn't come. Varric had told him in a fleeting remark that Hawke had denied the invitation. The joy he felt when she walked into the room was doubled with the pain of what he had done. He tapped his armored fingers against the wine bottle he was hording all to himself. Isabella pressed against his arm as she told some riveting tale about a time her ship made it out of a tough spot or something. Fenris wouldn't have been able to pay attention if he wanted to, he was so focused on not looking up, at Hawke. Best if she hated him, thought he was just some sleaze who left after he got what he wanted. It wasn't until Isabella repeated his name right against his ear that he realized she was talking to him.

"Fenris, what do you think?" she purred against the tender pointed flesh. He let out a shiver and wanted to push her away, but he caught a glimpse of Hawke's face, the pain and jealous towards their closeness. She still cared for him and it was breaking his heart to be putting her through this. But it was for the best. And if she thought he was on to the next woman so soon perhaps it would hasten her pining after him.

"I do not care." Fenris answered truthfully, but didn't push her away.

As the night when on and drink and stories started to run in short supply they all started stumbling back to their own residences, going in twos for safety. Varric took Merrill home, always the protective one when it came to her. Aveline went alone, for who would try to jump the head of the guard? Hawke helped support up Anders and they started to his clinic.

Fenris hated seeing them together. He ended it with Hawke for her to find someone better, not for that mage to lap her up. Anders was an abomination and a grey warden, if one didn't kill him the other surely would. And then Hawke would be alone again. He wanted to rip the selfish mage's heart out. The only thing keeping him from doing just that was the desire to get away from Isabella, who was currently clinging to him, her hand trying to find the opening to his trousers, but she was too drunk to really function.

She followed him home and got inside before he could shut the door. He yelled at her to get out, threatened her, but she wouldn't leave. Instead she darted into his unwilling embrace and kissed him, her tongue sliding into his mouth. He let out a muffled nose as she kissed him, too shocked to do anything. He remembered his night with Hawke and it set his groin stirring. He started to kiss Isabella back, picturing that it was Hawke, wishing that it was. If he closed his eyes and ignored the lip ring he was almost drunk enough to believe it.

He dragged her up to his room and threw her down on the bed. She went to say something, but he put a hand on her throat. "Don't speak." he growled, not wanting her to break the illusion. He kissed and nipped at her skin, grind against her through their clothes. He released himself from his pants and pulled of her panties, not bothering with the rest of the clothes before he thrusted inside of her. He ravished her, imagining Hawke. Thoughts of her being with Anders danced across his mind and made him furious, made him that much rougher. Isabella loved it, crying out. He wanted to cover her mouth, to silence her voice as it was not Hawke's. He remembered the little mews she had made under him, how she would breathlessly say his name when he kissed her neck. Maker, he missed it, he wanted it back. He had a taste of happiness and he feared he would never be able to go without it again.

**A/N: I got inspiration to write this one day, will probably continue it into a full story line starting at this point. Well tell me what you guys think. R&R**


	2. Chapter 2

When Fenris woke he rolled over and felt his arm drape across a warm body. Still dazed he let out a pleased noise and pulled it close, his mind slipping back into the previous dream of Hawke, nothing sexual, just being at her side. He buried his head in her hair and inhaled her scent and jerked away when it was clearly not Hawke's scent. Hawke smelled of fresh soap and rich earth, with an underline smell of electricity, her favorite element of choice in a fight.

He pulled himself out of his thoughts of her and looked down at Isabella who slept naked at his side. He looked down at himself and found that he was in the same attire. He flopped back down on the bed and pressed his palms against his eyes. Would he never be rid of his love for Hawke? He has slept with another- and more experienced he thought as he recalled some of the things that they had done last night. Not to say that Hawke wasn't an amazing lover, but from what he saw she had a taste for simpler things.—and yet he still couldn't erase her from his mind for even a second.

Isabella moved next to him, moving so her head laid on his chest. "I am so hung over," she said and traced patterns down his chest, slipping under the blanket and trailing it along his length. The touch should have been arousing, but he felt nothing but a physical stimulate. "I'm glad you finally came around." she purred.

Footsteps echoed out in the hall and Fenris looked over at the door in time to see Hawke come into view. "Hey, no one answered the door and it was unlocked so I let myself in." she said and hadn't looked at them yet. "Anders asked if I could help him uncover a tranquil conspiracy theory in the circle and I don't trust going into a horde of Templars without you by my… Isabella?" she asked as she finally look their way and saw the two entangled in the sheets. She was silent for what felt like an eternity and Fenris felt his heart breaking apart at the look on her face. "Oh… well… I'll… um… just get Aveline… I didn't know you were busy… s-sorry." she crocked out and quickly left the mansion.

He wanted to go after her more than anything, he watched it play out a thousand different ways in his head, but he couldn't. Instead he rolled away from Isabella and rested his head on his upper arm, the lower part covering his eyes as he let the tears fall.

"Wow, I've never seen Hawke so caught up on words, you'd think she had never walked in on anybody having sex before." Isabella said and looked over at Fenris. "What's wrong with you?" she asked before looking where Hawke had been and back again. "Wait… you two…? Oh well that would explain it, but if you were with her why are you with me now? Don't tell me I was just some cheap cheat, granted I've done that before, but not ever... well rarely to a friend." she said and looked back at Fenris.

"Get out." he growled at her, his marking glowing vividly in the morning light.

"Fine, fine, don't get your panties in a knot." she said and slipped out of the bed. She dressed and left his mansion and left him to cry in peace. Hawke would hate him now right? Would stop looking at him with those beautiful blue eyes with such longing? Surely this would cut of his escape from this pain, his way back to her. He didn't know how much longer until he took it if it didn't. He was giving up his soul mate, the one person in the world that he had ever loved, ever felt anything for. By the maker, he just wanted to hold her.

Fenris laid like that until his stomach started to growl. Then he rolled out of bed and dressed for the day in his armor. He went down to the kitchen and searched for something to eat, but finding nothing he remembered that he hadn't gone shopping in a week. He sighed and scooped the bag of money Hawke had given him for his services. There was one thing he never could get used to, people paying him and having his own coin to spend at his own will. The first few months on his own he had been ripped off more times than he could count, but he had started to figure out how to bargain, even if it still felt strange.

He grabbed a loaf of bread from the baker and some cheese from a farm woman, then went to Hawke's estate for the mission she had come to him earlier for. He didn't want to see her. He really did not what to see her, but he didn't trust someone else watching her back.

He walked in without knocking as Hawke told them they were free to do and Bodahn came up to him. "Sera Fenris, good to see you. Are you looking for Lady Hawke?" he asked and he gave him a dry look. Why else would he be here?

"She asked me to accompany her on a mission." he explained.

Bodahn looked confused, "But she already left on it. If I remember correctly she took Anders, Merrill, and… ah yes, Varric." he informed the elf.

Fenris glared at him. That didn't give her anyone to block the blows. "Do you know where she went?"

"Sera Hawke doesn't always go where it is safe or legal, I don't make it a habit to ask where she goes. If I need to know she will tell me." he said and Fenris had to give him that. Hawke tended to step in illegal squabbles, a lot. And she had said it was Anders' request and thus it probably was. Still he left and went to search for her, finding nothing and simply returned home, keeping an eye out the window for any sign of Hawke returning home, wanting to make sure she was safe.

She had hoped that taking mages and a dwarf, since both could have reason for being in the tunnel, would lower suspicion and they could get in and out pissing off as few Templars as possible. It didn't go as she had hoped. It was really her own fault, she was distracted from the scene she had happened upon that morning. So when the Templars' drained their magic, she was seriously rethinking her choice in party members. Merrill stumbled and collapsed to the ground from the rush of being cut off from the fade. Varric ran over to her, shaking her and trying to bring her back into focus. Anders gripped his staff and braced himself against a rock. Hawke felt everything go dark. She didn't know how long until she regained her senses, but all the Templars had their swords out and trying to hold down the other mage that had been trying to escape the circle. Hawke picked up her staff and went up behind the man holding her left arm. She lifted the staff high and forced the metal spike downward into the chink in his armor right as his neck. She tried to pull the staff back out, but her strength faltered as the effects of being without the fade surged through her. She stumbled back and onto her butt. She shook her head and looked up at the Templars. They moved in on her, swords and shields raised.

An arrow sank into one of the many eyes seeking her death. The body it belonged to fell and the Templars looked up at Varric, who was standing by the other two down mages. Adrenaline kicked in and she scrambled to her feet. "Shoot the one on the hill, he is the one holding our magic back." she ordered Varric and a second later an arrow sank into the Templar's throat. As he died Hawke felt her magic rush back of her and she glared at the Templars. "My turn." she growled. She moved her arms in a circle and magic started to build in the center. She raised the ball of pure magic above her head before slamming it down on the ground. The impact made the cavern shake. There was a second of pause when nothing happened before the small creator the magic had made cracked. The cracks reached out towards the Templars and the ground split open under them. Half fell in before she couldn't hold it anymore without her staff and the ground closed up. Her team was back up by now and Anders took up her left side and Merrill on her right. Varric perched up high on a rock, ready to shoot down anyone who dared to cut off their magic again.

It looked like everything was going to be alright. And then Hawke felt a sting in her back and when she looked down there was a sword sticking out of her chest. The owner of the sword, Ser Alrik, ripped it back out and sliced Merril, knocking her down too. Varric raced to her, putting pressure against the wound going across her arm. "I'm fine." she told him and looked to Hawke, who was shockingly still standing.

Anders looked at his friends and felt his rage build up, releasing in the form of Vengeance. He crushed the remanding Templars and turned to the mage who let out a frightened cry. "An abomination!" she screamed.

"I am not an abomination. Are you one of them to call me as such?" Vengeance said and went over to her. "I shall kill you like the rest then." He raised his staff in the air and started to gather his magic.

"Anders," Hawke called behind him. "She is the one you were trying to save. Don't become what you hate." she snapped at him.

"I can feel their hold on her." Vengeance argued.

Hawke put a bloody hand on his arm. "That is what we are working to correct. We are trying to loosen the Templars' noose around the mages." Hawke had seen too many mages easily turn to bad ways if left without guidance so she saw need of the circle, but the Templars were going way too far and that she could agree on.

The magic ceased and the glowing around Anders dimmed. He looked at the girl as she ran off, back towards the circle and scared to death. "Maker… If you hadn't been here." Anders chocked.

I was. Hawke wanted to say, but the world around her dimmed and spun on its head. She put more pressure on her chest, but blood still gushed out with her heart beat.

"Hawke," she heard someone call from above her and vaguely realized that she was on the ground.

Yes, in retrospect she hadn't made a good choice on who to bring and she wished Fenris had been there, he always watched her back.

Fenris paced back and forth since night had fallen and they had yet to return. He paused at his window when he saw a group of people moving through the streets in a rush. One of them being carried it appeared. Fenris' heart sank and he bolted for the door. He caught up with them as they were entering Hawke's house. Anders had Hawke in his arms, her face pale and blood soaking her robes. "What happened, mage." Fenris snapped at Anders.

Anders didn't reply, just set Hawke down in the bench in the foyer, too out of breath to go any further. Fenris let out an annoyed grunt and lifted Hawke up easily and carried her upstairs to her room. Anders followed behind her as he went through his bag for healing supplies. Once Fenris set her down Anders pushed him aside and ripped open the soaking front of her robes. Fenris felt his blood turn to ice as he saw the wound, a deep puncture wound through her chest. "What happened?" he asked again.

"The Templars drained her magic and she was stabbed." Anders said as he cleaned her wound with a bowl of clean water and a rag that Orana brought them. Once the wound was cleaned he packed healing herbs into the wound, covered it with a salve, and then put his hand firmly against the wound. Fenris felt a tang of jealousy as Anders touched her, but he stifled it. She wasn't his. Anders poured his magic into the wound, instructing it to heal, but it didn't work. "What in the Maker…" he muttered and Varric barged in.

"It's mage-bane, the sword must have been coated in it, Merrill can't feel the fade either… she is really sick." he said worried.

Fenris grabbed Anders by the front of his robe. "Save her." he ordered and Anders glared at him.

"I am trying, if you would stop hovering." he snapped back and shoved Fenris away.

He turned back to Hawke and forced her to drink a health potion. "That will slow the bleeding at least." he commented. "Varric can you take Fenris down stairs? I'll get to Merrill when I wish up here."

Fenris reluctantly left, staring death at Anders the whole way. "She shouldn't have bothered herself with that mage's request." he grumbled.

"Come now, you know Hawke would have done anything her friends asked, she dropped everything on the drop of a hat to chase after those slavers not even a month ago." Varric said and moved to sit beside Merrill who was on the bench, clutching her stomach with a chamber pot at her feet. From the smell she had already thrown up in it a few times.

It took several hours for Anders to appear from the room. "She is stable, I managed to get most of the mage-bane out of her system and stop the bleeding. She will be bed ridden for at-least two weeks through." he said and moved to Merrill, who had passed out against Varric. He checked her over and rubbed his weary eyes. "She'll be fine, being without her magic is just throwing her senses for a loop." he assured Varric and then dressed the wound on her arm.

Fenris headed towards the stairs and had made it to the top of them before anyone noticed and tried to stop him. "Fenris, she needs to rest." Anders snapped at him.

"Shut up, mage, this is all your fault." he barked back and shut the door to Hawke's room behind him.

She lay on the bed with her chest bare expect for the bandages that went from her midsection to upper chest and then other her left shoulder. Her face was still pale and he brushed the back of his armored finger across the birthmark on her nose. How close had he come to losing her today. He should have been there. Silently he fell to his knees by the bed, put his elbows on the edge and his head against his upper arms, holding his head, and cried. His shoulders shook as sobs racked through him, but not a sound came. He didn't know if the tears were in relief or fear or sadness. He loved her. He didn't want to see her dead, he wanted to see her married to some rich human that would make her happy and have plenty of little Hawke children. He took her hand and held it up to his lips. "I should have been there." he said softly.

He stayed like that for so long his knees went numb. He sighed and got up and tried to release her hand, but she gripped it tighter. When he looked down at her he saw her awake and looking at him.

"I'm dreaming…" she muttered hoarsely. She tugged on his arm and he moved to sit beside her. She pressed her face against his hip and shuddered at the contact and his scent. "Please… I can't wake up yet." she begged and it broke his heart. She was doped up on medicine and pain killers, she wouldn't remember tonight, right? He slid off his armor, leaving him in his pants and shirt. He slid into bed with her, his left arm going under her and his right pulling her close to him. She let out a chocked sob and buried her head in the crook of his neck and cried.

**A/N: I realize that my Hawke seems like a cry baby. I'd like to point out that most of the scenes so far, like the last, are Hawke's moments to let go. As always thanks for reading and please review. I like being able to see the feedback and give you guys a chance to influence the story, it makes it more fun for you guys.**


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